Ask yourself some questions.

Today’s blog is going to be a little different. It isn’t going to be a Bible study. It isn’t going to be written in proper, perfect writing. However, it is going to come from the heart.

 

For a while now I have been soul searching. I had some questions about myself, my past,  and my future, that I had to find the answers to and only I know the answers to. Why am I self-conscious? Why do I find it so hard to trust men? Why am I so judgmental of myself? Why can I not decide what I want to do with my life? Why am I sick?

I don’t have everything figured out, but what I have figured is that its okay to not have it all figured out. Sometimes you have to sit back and think, “Why am I this way?” Because to understand why you are who you are, is to love and appreciate yourself a step further. 

-Why am I so self-conscious? Because I compare myself to others.

-Why do I find it so hard to trust men? Because men have hurt me so much in the past.

-Why am I so judgmental of myself? Because I am a very opinionated person.

-Why can I not decide what I want to do with my life? Because I am only 21.

-Why am I sick? Because God needs leaders for other individuals struggling with my disease.

Take a second to ask yourself important questions about you and what is going on in your life right now. Sometimes life can be so painful and confusing that we avoid asking ourselves these questions because we may not like the answers. Let me make this clear, that is okay. You may not like the answer to why you behave a certain way or why you are in the predicament you are in, but knowing why you got there will show you how to get out. 

I should not compare myself to others. I should not blame all men for the faults of some. I need to be more accepting of myself. I need to accept that I don’t have the rest of my life figured out right now. I need to step up and inspire other people with my same issues and concerns.

 

Ask yourself some questions today and find out some answers about yourself.

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James 3:7-8

“People can tame and already have tamed every kind of animal, bird, reptile, and fish. No one can tame the tongue, though. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”‭‭James‬ ‭3:7-8‬ ‭CEB‬‬

http://bible.com/37/jas.3.7-8.ceb
Read the verse again. 

Again… 

Last time. 

Now think. What do you think about this verse? Can you remember some mean things people have said to you? Someone called you ugly? You overheard someone say you weren’t that smart? That person who broke your heart who basically told you that you weren’t good enough? Feel that pain again. That kind of pain that no one seems to be able to describe. When someone says something that hurts you, it can hurt worse that a knife. 
Learn from other people’s mistakes. God tells us plainly that the tongue can not be tamed and it is full of deadly poison and yet we still lash out at one another, call each other names, lose our temper with children, tear our partners down. All with our words. The poison from our tongues is deadly. It can kill someone’s hope in humanity. It can kill our children’s sense of wonder. It can kill our friendships. It can kill our marriages. It can kill our relationship with Christ. 

Don’t let the poison from your tongue ruin your life, but let the grace from God’s love enrich it. Have a blessed day guys! 

Psalms 59:16

“But I will sing about your strength, my God, and I will celebrate because of your love. You are my fortress, my place of protection in times of trouble.”‭‭Psalms‬ ‭59:16‬ ‭CEVUS06‬‬

http://bible.com/392/psa.59.16.cevus06
I will sing about your strength, my God… God’s strength is so powerful and unlike anything we have ever witnessed, that we should sing about it. Rejoice that He has the kind of strength and power to save us from evil. I will celebrate because of your love… God’s love is unconditional. God’s love is powerful. God’s love is relentless. We should celebrate because we have that kind of love. We should celebrate that we know that kind of love. You are my fortress, my place of protection in times of trouble. When all else fails run to God. He is our home. He is our Savior. Accepting God’s love iscomparable to walking into your warm, inviting home  after spending years wandering aimlessly in the cold rain. When you feel like losing hope, God is there to give you the guidance and protection to see you through the storm. Remember this today. Spread love and positivity today. Embrace God’s love today. 
Have a blessed day! 

Matthew 6:34

“Don’t worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today.”‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:34‬ ‭CEVUS06‬‬

http://bible.com/392/mat.6.34.cevus06
Don’t worry about tomorrow. That’s hard to do isn’t? But why? – Because society has lead us to that conclusion. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. Tomorrow the power bill will be due. Tomorrow the kids have to be in school early. Tomorrow I have that meeting. We live our lives worrying about what is next. God wants us to worry about what’s right now. Right now, your son wants someone to play with. Right now, God wants your attention. Right now, your family needs you. God wants you to live for right now because he knows there may not even be a tomorrow for you or us. We are not promised tomorrow. We are given one day at a time. So yes, be responsible, pay your bills, make sure the kids are at school on time, but most importantly- Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow has enough problems of its own. Live for today. Enjoy today. Today is what you have. Tomorrow is not promised. 
Have a blessed day, guys. 

For your bad days…

I am having bad day. The combination of new medicine, diet changes, and everyday issues have left me feeling fatigued, helpless, hopeless, useless, and pathetically unhealthy.

On days like today, it is so easy to become stuck in these feelings. However, look around.

When I look around I see a peaceful bedroom I have set up with days like today in mind. All white and teal everything. Candles and flowers gracing any empty spot and pictures of my family and loved ones surround me. I see the sunshine coming in from my whiten linen draped windows. I see fluffy pillows and irreplaceable stuffed animals my Granny made years ago, before she died. I see books and Bibles. I see my own artwork that I made myself to lift my spirits. I see lights and garland so my room looks like a fairy wonderland. All around me I see hope and love. So why should I let today stand in the way of all the love I have tried so hard to surround myself with.

What do you see when you look around? You may not see a twinkling fairy wonderland like I do (because, let’s be honest, that is not for everyone..) but I am sure you see a few of these common things. Do you see books? You are educated and care about yourself enough to indulge yourself in your own education. Do you see a bed? You are luckier than the estimated 100 million homeless people in the world right now. Do you see pictures of yourself and family? You have people in your life, who although you may not always get along with, they care. Do you see a refrigerator with some food? Granted it may not be stocked full of healthy fruits and vegetables, you are lucky to even have what mystery foods are in there. Do you see a tv? Poverty has stricken America in overwhelming ways, but you are doing well enough to own a tv! Do you have lights on? Many Americans do not.

Whether or not you have everything I listed above, I promise you if you sit and look around you can find things to be thankful for and those things will give you HOPE. Get up, smile, take a shower, tomorrow will bring new blessings. God bless you, my friends. It gets better.

 

 

Today I pray for you.

As someone that struggles daily with chronic illness, it is very easy to get caught up in my own problems. I have many struggles.. I deal with chronic pain daily, I deal with trying to make money for myself even though I am not capable of holding down a steady job, I deal with trying to grow my online business, I deal with depression, I deal with a lot.. So yes I spend days wrapped up in my own issues and that is selfish. There are people in this world who are going through just as much as I am, if not more. There are hungry children, homeless men and women, dying people, people drowning in debt. I have it good. Dealing with chronic illness can rob you of this feeling sometimes.. Sometimes you feel like your life is consumed of doctor’s appointments, medicines, and pain. We have it good.

So today, I pray for you. I will not pray for God to take my pain away today, I pray he takes your pain away. I will not pray that God ease my financial stress, I pray he finds a way to guide you out of your debt. I will not pray that I am happy today, I will pray that you are. I  pray for you today..

I pray you feel love. I pray you feel important. I pray God gives you an overwhelming sense of why you are here. I pray you find success. I pray you find your soulmate. I pray for your health. I pray for your children, your grandchildren. I pray for your life. I pray for your death. I pray that you be reunited with our Creator one day. I pray God has his hands around you, your family, and friends. I pray whatever deep, dark hole you feel yourself slipping into that God pulls you out and into the light. I pray all these things for you today. You deserve someone across the world praying for you because you are a good person. You try your best day in and day out. You wake up and get out of bed on days when all you feel like doing is crying. You go to a job where you don’t feel appreciated with a smile on your face. You embrace those who have hurt you with love and grace. You are beautiful. You are made in God’s image. God looked at this world and thought it would not be complete without you in it. I am not the only one who feels this way about you. The neighbor you always are nice to, appreciates you. The new cashier at the grocery store that you were patient with, appreciates you. The person you held the door for today, appreciates you. The colleague you are nice to that no one else likes, appreciates you. The blogger who you follow and support, appreciates you. Your kindness does not go unnoticed in the eyes of God or others.

See I pray for you because you and I are more alike than you think.

 

Colossians 1:17-18

“God’s Son was before all else, and by him everything is held together. He is the head of his body, which is the church. He is the very beginning, the first to be raised from death, so that he would be above all others.”

 

Let’s break this verse down.. God’s son was before all else. He was before your sins, my sins, the sins of our world. And by him everything is held together. You know how when you turn on the tv and see the news about another shooting, another riot, or the latest political shenanigans and you think, “By the grace of God, we are all still here.” That is how I interpret this part. I feel like with all the evil running rampant in our world today, God would look down and just throw his hands in the air, giving up on his hateful children. But by the grace of God and Jesus himself, everything is held together. This verse says that everything is held together by Jesus, which means everything you hold dear that you want to stay intact, the center needs to be Jesus. Your marriage. Your job. You talents. Your relationship with your children. Your relationship with yourself. Everything is held together by God’s son, so if He is not the center, it ain’t staying intact! Next, Jesus is the head and the church is the body. That again to me means, Jesus is to steer us (the church) in the right direction. He is the very beginning, the first to be raised from death, so that he would be above all others. God himself orchestrated the miracle of the death and resurrectional of Jesus to demonstrate the strength of his hands. He needed his children millions of years from then, to look back in awe and see Jesus as the one and only savior.

 

I hope this helps you find your inner peace today and understand this verse a little better! Feel free to leave your opinion in the comments.

What to do on flare up days?

If you, like me, suffer from a chronic illness you are bound to have a flare up day eventually. These are days when your symptoms flare up and you feel limited to your bed. In many cases, you really can not do much because your body is busy fighting off whatever is going on and this can make you feel like you have ran a marathon when in actuality you have been in bed all day. These days can seem dark, depressing, and endless. For many of us we sit in a dark room, in bed, and watch tv or sleep all day. While that may be okay to do sometimes, eventually that will lead you to a dark place of hopelessness. So I have put together some ideas to make flare up days not so bad.

  1. You have a chronic illness. Your body is fighting off this illness constantly and that will take a tole on your already tired body. Do not push yourself or feel lazy. Take the time you need to rejuvenate and come back strong and ready to kick more chronic illness butt! It’s okay to take time for yourself.
  2. Open the curtains and let the sunshine in. You can still lay down and rest, but letting the sunshine even for a little while will lift your spirits. I promise.
  3. Read your Bible. Even just a chapter can fill you with hope and grace! He almost always leads me to a verse that I needed to hear at that specific time.
  4. Make a to do list. This is something that helps me a lot! I am one of those people who give myself a hard time about laying in bed all day so by giving myself a simple and realistic to do list and accomplishing it, I feel like the day was not totally a waste. So for me this to do list will be as simple as, clean off the nightstands, sepera the laundry, and paint. Simple, but also productive while letting my body rejuvenate itself.
  5. Write! This is also a big one guys! I believe when you are writing to inspire others, you inspire yourself the most! Start a blog, write in a journal, something. Let your creative juices flow. I believe that more people with chronic illness need to spread the word!
  6. Get a pet. This is a big step I know so only follow through with this one if you are going to consistently take care of this animal! Having a pet has been a lifesaver for me and I mean that literally. I have a yorkie named Sophie who has been my best friend for eight years now. When you have a pet you truly connect with, it is a blessing from God! Sophie knows everything I swear. If i am in a good mood, she is running around and playful. If I am having a bad day, she will come over and lay in my lap. If I am having a flare up day, she wants to be lazy and cuddle all day. Having a pet can give you a sense that someone needs you and responsibility which can help you on those days when you feel sick and useless. Many people with chronic illness can have service dogs which are very necessary for some.
  7. Join a support group for your illness. This has help me a lot not only through flare up days, but also finding more information. Behcet’s disease is very rare so many doctors have never heard of it. No doubt, other patients have taught me more than doctors have. These people know your pain and they know the demons that come with flare up days, talk to them!
  8. Invite friends over for an hour or so. Having someone to talk to is important! Do not isolate yourself. This will also give you something to look forward to during the day.
  9. Light candles. It sounds crazy, but cables or wax warmers (anything that puts off a scent really) has helped me. It is something I enjoy and it lifts my spirit when I am feeling uninspired.
  10. Take up a small hobby to do during these days. Coloring, painting, jewelry making, writing to a pin pal, something, anything! Turn these days into something positive!

 

Behçet’s Flare Up 

Today I had a follow up doctor’s appointment with the dermatologist since the biopsy. During the previous appointment she prescribed prednisone to calm down the current flare up I was having. I took it for three weeks and then the week after I had a follow up appointment to see how the medicine worked. While taking prednisone, I was super energetic and cranky. I got a lot done though. Yesterday I had another flare up and this time it came back with a vengeance. I have rashes on my chest, face, back, arms, and legs. I have oral and genital ulcers again and my body feels like I’ve been hit by a truck. This is what Behçet’s looks like. I could only include the few pictures that were G rated, but you can still see the impact this disease has on me. So I went home today with some big decisions to make regarding my treatment. I can take a medicine called Dapzone everyday that has big side effects like anemia or I can try vitamin infusions which don’t have a huge history of successful treatment, and long term treatment can result in hair loss. Decisions, decisions…

Examine me, God!

“Examine me, God! Look at my heart! Put me to the test! Know my anxious thoughts! Look to see if there is any idolatrous way in me, then lead me on the eternal path!”

Psalms 139: 23-24

This verse can be very powerful if you really read it. Examine me! Look at my heart! Put me to the test! This is an example of how we should be talking to God. We should be open to the idea that He can test our faith and examine us out of love. Life is no walk in the park. God is going to challenge you in ways that you will not understand. However, this does not mean His love for us is not strong. God’s love is the strongest force there is. That is why He is challenging you! He wants you to be the best, most equipped version of yourself. Lead me on the eternal path! Here God is showing us an example of how we can call on Him to point out our wrong doings and then help us get back on the right path. God wants to help you, not hurt you. Show him your ways, ask for guidance and forgiveness.

 

These challenges you are facing right now are to build you stronger than ever. Consider this the work out. Your body tired. Your mind telling you to give up. You can not imagine this can be as hard for everyone else. No one else seems to be sweating as much as you. But one day very soon, you will be able to see a change in your strength. When everyone else is giving up, you’ll be running passed. When your body says, “Stop!” You’ll say, “Not yet!” All your struggle and hard work is going to pay off in ways only God understands so stay diligent. Have a great day, guys!